Day 14 - Birthday Blog - Maddie

I tend to get very reflective during birthdays, celebrations, and holidays. They are check points and a means of looking back on a year of crazy, busy life. Am I happier now? Did I make the world a better place? Are the people around me happy? How did I get here? This year was no different. I turned 20 years old today and thought, “How did I end up biking across the country?” The story goes deeper than Charlie and I chatting on a zoom call about our gap years.

When my eating disorder was at its worst, I’d wake up every morning and navigate eating as few calories as possible throughout the day and go to sleep every night thinking I ate too much. I couldn’t look in the mirror without calling myself ugly, fat, or useless. How could I love my body when it has consistent knee injuries, will never be as skinny as the other girls, and has so many other problems? Why did my body deserve nourishment if it was injured or bound to get hurt again? “Once I lose a few more pounds, I’ll love myself.” But the lower weight never made me feel any better. It took a lot of people telling me how terrible my thoughts were before I realized they were a problem.

When I finally realized that I was hurting myself physically, mentally, and emotionally, the only answer was to start eating again. It was scary. I started eating fear foods and trying my hardest to not feel extreme guilt. My weight spiked. I freaked out, but the support system around me was enough to help me stay on course. After months of eating and hating myself, my mindset began to change as well. Maybe I’m not as ugly as I thought? I can run and jump after my third knee surgery, maybe I am still the athlete I once was? What else can my body do when it’s happy, healthy, and nourished?

As my bike and I lurched up the long and grueling hills of Ohio today, every pedal stroke served as a reminder of what my body can do. The body that I despised less than a year ago is now carrying me across the country. I am so glad that I began to treat my body as it deserved to be treated my whole life. Today, I ate ice cream twice, and it was the best feeling in the world.

I hope that my journey with food, my body, and this bike trip can help others. I know it is so hard but loving yourself unconditionally, eating without fear and guilt, and exercising for joy rather than calories burned, all bring so much happiness into ones life. As I say and will continue to say forever, I am here for you. Please feel free to contact me even if we do not know one another. Do not struggle in silence.

Today’s ride was interesting outside of my crazy, reflective thoughts. We left the Moore’s this morning well fed and ready to take on the day. We rode for about 20 miles before reaching Hayman’s Dari Bar. Charlie got a vanilla malt shake and a DISGUSTING chicken sandwich while I got a vanilla soft serve cone with cherry dip, my childhood classic. We took on many more long hills until we reached the crazy roads surrounding Columbus, OH. After dodging glass, fearing a flat, and hopping between roads and sidewalks, we came to the conclusion that a flat on my birthday would be an absolute disgrace. We caught a bus and rode the final 5 miles into Columbus safe and sound.

My only birthday wish was to get some shots up, so we headed to a beautiful park right off the bus and played basketball for about an hour. Charlie and I are still feeling like ballers.

Eli and Sam, our warmshowers hosts for the day, showed us around the city. We ate an absurd amount of Thai food then we had the best taste bud experience of the trip so far: a Jeni’s ice cream flight. Charlie and I tasted TEN different ice creams that were all mind blowing. The Frosé Sorbet and Brambleberry Crisp really hit the spot even though it’s about 50 degrees tonight. Birthday food was top notch.

It was a long day, and we have a 70+ mile ride tomorrow to Dayton. Another day, another dollar!!!

-Maddie

Total miles: 678

Ice cream flavors tasted today: 11

Decades lived: 2